Do you suffer from skull-splitting migraines brought about by reading anything other than The Weekly Sun and Rosie Magazine? Are you just too busy for those overly wordy novels? Just don't have the time to read any flowery poetry from stalkers? If you're one of the millions of Americans that suffer from any of the above symptoms, then State Og has the perfect solution to your woes! The Read-For-Me Himalayan Snow Yeti (tm) is the perfect accessory for any self-respecting professional who's caught in the swirling vortex of misery that is urban America. Weighing in at a measly three and 1/2 tons, the RFMHSY (tm) is a gentle north Indian mammal, neutral white in color to match your decor, that will assist you in solving your undeniably complex time management conundrum. RFMHSY showcases the following features:
Large hands equipped with opposable thumbs and claws capable of shredding your novels and magazines to bits!
Piercing eyes with which to cull the location of your books from other visual stimuli!
A peanut-sized brain lacking any rational thought processes (he won't stop until the job's done, folks)!
A snowy-white, downy pelt to keep you warm on those cold winter nights laying prostrate before the Almighty Television*!
A bodybuilder's physique that no book will be able to last long against!
* Call 1-800-FEEDMETV for more information on this exciting State Og exclusive!
** State Og and associates are not responsible for damages to your domicile beyond that inflicted on literary media. A docile Yeti is not guaranteed. RFMHSY is not recommended for seniors, pregnant women, or children under the age of 18. Void where east-Asian feral carnivores prohibited.
